Three friends, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day.
One remarked to the other, “Windy, ain’t it?”

“No,” the second one replied, “It’s Thursday.”

And the third chimed in, “So am I. Let’s have a coke.”

*  *  *  *  *

A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, ‘Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.’

‘Well,’ the doctor replied, ‘go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn’t reply move about 5 feet close and say it again. Keep doing this so that we’ll get an idea about the severity of her
deafness’.

Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?’ He hears no response.

He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again.

No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?’

She replies, ‘For the fourth time, vegetable stew!’

*  *  *  *  *

Morris, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”
Morris replied, “Just doing what you said, Doctor, ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'” The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said you got a heart mummer and be careful.”

*  *  *  *  *

A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost $4,000, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”

“Really,” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?

“12:30.”

*  *  *  *  *

So a man walks into a bar with a large box, the bar tender goes up to him and asks “whats in the box”.

The man says “I’ll show ya’ if you get me a beer.”

So of course the bar tender gets the man a beer, the man drinks it, and he pulls out a little foot tall man and he pulls out a little piano. The little man starts playing the piano!

Next the bar tender asks “hey! thats prety cool, where did ya’ get that?”

The man says” I’ll tell ya’ if you get me another beer.” So the bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and he says “I got it from a geenie and a lamp”

The bar tender says “If ya’ let me barrow that geenie and that lamp I’ll give ya’ another beer.”

The man says “Oh, Okay!”

The bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and the man gives the bar tender the lamp.

The bar tender rubs the lamp and the geenie pops out!

The geenie says “Master, I grant you one wish, what is it?”

The bar tender says “I wish for a million bucks!!!” And all of a sudden a million ducks start flying into the room. “What the heck is this!!! I wished for a million bucks not a million ducks!!!”

And the man says “Well did you think I wished for a 12 inched pianist!”